Lesson Ten: Just Say No

My daughters are only 13 months apart, so they are more peers than older sister/younger sister.  Still, my youngest daughter covets her sister's attention and enjoys her as a friend.  Even though this is the case, it clearly isn't a strong enough feeling that she is willing to give in to peer (sibling) pressure.

My oldest daughter (Cailey) had a friend over recently for a sleepover.  They spent the majority of time on their own, patently ignoring her younger sister (Darci).  I know that Darci was feeling a bit left out and would have liked to hang out with the two of them, but was surprised and proud of her when they finally asked her to participate.

The two older girls had decided that makeovers were in order and had done each other's makeup and hair and were looking for a new victim.  Their makeovers involved loads of glitter and sparkly lotion, eyeshadow and anything else they could find.  (Both of my girls currently wear mascara, but that is it for makeup.)  They were relentless in their pursuit of Darci.  I would have thought that since she was feeling left out, she would have jumped at the opportunity, but she resolutely said NO.  The older girls begged, pleaded, bribed, threatened, but Darci didn't want to be part of the sparkly makeover and just continued to say NO. 

I was very proud of her but really shouldn't have been surprised.  She is not my peer pressure  girl.  She is very much her own person and while she doesn't want to disappoint people, and sometimes gets her feelings hurt easily, she is not easily swayed from her own opinion.

When she was a toddler, we were asked to participate in a research study at the University of Washington.  The study was very simple.  There were a series of small plates that were given to the researcher.  On each plate was a "yummy" treat and a "yucky" treat. The idea was to try to see if the child could be swayed from the yummy treat.  Darci "failed" the test because she continued to choose and share the broccoli instead of the graham cracker.  Even though the researcher continued to indicate to her that he didn't like broccoli, she wasn't swayed.   She continued to try to share the broccoli and not the graham cracker.  That's my girl!  It doesn't matter what people try to convince you of....just stick to your guns.

Lesson Ten:  Just say no.

Lesson One: Sometimes it Sticks

You know how there are certain lessons that you try to drill into your children's heads and just hope that when the time comes they will remember them?  Well sometimes they actually stick.

Neither my husband or I smoke.  We don't have friends who smoke or family.  We have told our two girls over and over that smoking is a bad choice and something that can cause serious health issues and even death.  Being a cancer survivor myself, my kids have had a first hand look at how difficult cancer can be. 

We have always told them that at some point they were going to be in a situation with smoking where they would have to make a choice and our hope was that they would make the right choice no matter how difficult or embarrassing it might prove to be.

This past weekend, my oldest daughter (who is 12) went to spend the night with a friend.  This girl's parents are divorced and though we are well acquainted with the mother, we are not that familiar with the father.  This particular night the girls planned to go bowling and then spend the night at the dad's house.   What we did not know was that the dad and his new wife both smoke. 

My husband and I were on a dinner cruise for a holiday gathering and unfortunately did not get the call when my daughter first called us.  When she couldn't reach us, she did exactly what we have always told her to do; she called someone she trusted.  She called Grandma. 

She called Grandma (from the bathroom) and told her (in tears) that the parents smoked and she wasn't comfortable spending the night at their house.  She asked Grandma to come and pick her up.  We have always told our kids that if they get into a situation like this, they can place the blame squarely on us if they don't want to upset a friend or be embarrassed.  She told the friend that we had called her and told her there was a change in plans and because we needed to pick her up early, she needed to spend the night with Grandma instead.  In short, she lied.  Were we unhappy with this?  Not one bit.  She did exactly what we told her to do, get out of an uncomfortable situation by doing whatever it takes. 

Lesson One:  Sometimes it sticks!